The only rules that really matter are these

1. Savvy?

The first Pirates of the Caribbean movie may well be peak Disney. It’s smart in the right places, silly in the right places, and Johnny Depp’s portrayal of a slightly unhinged and perpetually drunken pirate is absolutely brilliant for the tone of the movie. But in all that amusement there lies a quote that has stuck with me for the past 22 (yikes) years. “The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do.”

I’ve always been a little bit on the pragmatic side. And the second I heard that line I knew it was important. It’s not something that I hung on my office wall or anything. But it is a quote that flits through the back of my mind regularly. Because Jack is right. Jack is right on a lot of levels.

For anyone unfamiliar the line is delivered… you know what? Just go watch it.¹ I’ll wait.

There, now we are on the same page, I didn’t have to write a summary, you didn’t have to read a summary. I didn’t have to use boat words, and you didn’t have to go look them up. Everyone wins!

It’s all very entertaining, haha the cocky young guy got shown up by the wiley old pirate again. But the times when it comes back to me? Those times are when I’m in Will’s shoes. Flat on my back because the world pulled a sneaky trick on me again. It happens to all of us.

In those moments I find it helpful to take stock of what my options truly are. Because the only rules that really matter are what I can do and what I can’t do. There’s no point in being mad about it or feeling sorry for myself.

2. They’re more like guidelines than actual rules

I’m not saying I’m above a little bit of grumbling. But I’ve also never been content to just tolerate a poor situation. Sometimes this has been to my detriment. I’m especially prone to chafing under the rule of incompetence. But there are entirely too many people that I have met that seem content to shrug their shoulders and live with all the things they hate.

I was once compelled to attend a cult “culture” training where the idea was floated that one might work towards bettering things in their life that they were unhappy with. Now I want you to picture the model “everything is awful, but I’ll just let it happen” human. Now imagine watching that person having their world rocked by the notion that they could work on making things less awful. So mind-blown at the concept that they felt like they should share with the rest of the class that they had never even thought of doing that.

This was an eye-opening moment for me. Before I had seen that I probably would have sworn on anything you like that I believed most people were actively trying to make their lives better. Yeah, I know. I tend towards optimism. I know better now. Stop judging me.

Since then, I have learned to be better at spotting those kinds of people. Most of them aren’t so overt, but the tricky thing about them is they often try to make it seem like fixing the thing lies firmly in the things you can’t do category. It’s also often used as an excuse for not doing things that they want to do. So they wind up “stuck in the rat race” and resigned to that fate.

3. Tortuga?

A little while ago on stream I was struggling with a problem. It turned out to be a bug in the UI framework I was using. Bad news. But it was fixed in the new version. Good news! But the new version had breaking API changes. Bad news! While working through that upgrade and the changes I needed to make for my code to work with the new API, a viewer opined that it was perhaps a poor decision on the part of the framework authors.

That viewer was probably right, but it didn’t change anything. This was the most recent time I remembered Jack’s wisdom. I just couldn’t find it in me to be mad, because the list of options was really clear. I couldn’t change the decision of the framework authors to change the API. I could fix my code, or I could (maybe) replace the entire framework with another product. I suppose I could also just abandon the whole project.

Laying out the cans and the can nots made the choice really clear, and the presence of an actionable plan is high up there on the list of things that I both appreciate and try to optimize for in life. I think that viewer may have actually been more upset than I was about the changes.

A lot of people are legitimately struggling right now, maybe you’re one of them. I’m one too, if we’re being honest. I was laid off in November, and I’ve been applying to jobs like crazy since then. If I didn’t have entirely too many projects racing through my mind I may well have gone insane by now. Soon I will need to remedy the cash flow situation. I can’t continue to exist without an income to pay for things like food.

I have heard of people in their 30’s moving back home after being laid off, and how it’s crushing their self-worth. I’m probably too proud for my own good, so I don’t think I’d be able to do that. I’m also not on speaking terms with my family, so that’s not an option, even if I could stomach it.

Can do, and can’t do. What can we do? I’m now trying to find some other work for a while. If I can pay the bills while I continue building projects, that’s promising! It will probably mean a pay cut, but that’s ok. I’m not going to let it be anything but a temporary setback in my mind. I’ve seen people sharing similar sentiments with varying degrees of enthusiasm or bitterness online.

I’m not trying to diminish anyone’s struggle. I’m not trying to tell you that you’re wrong for being upset if you’re struggling. I’m trying to say that all that really matters is what you can do and what you can’t do. It would be super easy to fall down a doom spiral. I’ve flirted with the edge of that spiral myself. Turns out there’s a ton of YouTube content on the matter, and multiple subreddits as well. But wouldn’t it be better to figure out what you can do?

What can you do right now? What can you do at this moment? Let’s also assume that “apply for one more job” isn’t the only answer. Do that too, but don’t let it be the only thing. Try something different that you can do within your means. Think outside the box, and in it, and around it. Really consider what you can do.

There’s no point in just letting circumstance kick us while we’re down and deciding that’s just how life is gonna be now. So let’s figure out what the “can do” things are, and then let’s get busy doing them, before we can’t.